My Secret Code for Emotional Eating

What if I told you that my biggest success with reaching my goals didn’t come from eating gluten-free? Or dairy-free? Or vegan? Or Paleo? Or only 1,500 calories? Or fasting? 

What if I told you my biggest success came from facing my emotional eating with grace? 

The story constantly repeated itself. I would be super ambitious about a new diet or program. I would be zoned in and dedicated for a period of time then it stopped. I ate one “bad” thing or something that didn’t go along with the plan. Then it was another and another, before I gave up on the entire thing. I ended up in my puddle of despair until the next jolt of motivation struck me. 

Next the typical dialogue would happen. “Maybe if I had more willpower.” “I’ll never reach my goals.” “I’m not capable.” “Shame on me for not following that.” “What’s wrong with me?”

I blamed myself. I shamed my ability. I attacked the wrong thing. Are you ready to unwrap this together?

At some point in my Conscious Eating journey, I began giving myself grace and kindness. I chose to bring awareness to a situation instead of instantly jumping on an opportunity to attack myself. I would have an idea in mind of how I wanted to eat. I would set an intention of what I felt I should cut back on in order to FEEL my best. 

But then, the chaos of life would strike and things wouldn’t go on as planned. 

The bottom of the pint of ice cream appeared.

The meal I planned to save half for the next day was gone by the end of the night.

Ordering a side of fries came out of my mouth before I could choose the veggies instead.

The bar of chocolate disappeared in an instant. 

I said yes to the unplanned snacks at girls night. 

And when these things would accrue, I worked very hard to consciously make a slight pivot. Instead of meeting myself with guilt and shame, I chose awareness instead. I brought awareness to the situation with grace and kindness. 

I began using this reflection when food seemed out of my control:

-Could I benefit from sitting down and reflecting on what is going on in my life?

-What things feel stressful?

-Are there things making me feel sad?

-What is feeling heavy in my life?

-How much sleep am I getting?

-Am I scrolling more often or watching more shows in my down time?

-Could I be disassociating from something bigger going on?

-Have I done anything productive for myself?

-I am allowing myself to rest and recharge?

-What are my needs?

-In a perfect world, what could I be doing to support myself? How can I take little steps to make those things happen?

I would let a flow of questions continue. Some days it was easy enough to mentally work through the questions. Some days felt heavier and I knew it would be best to get a pen and paper and work through it. I spent as long as I needed on each question. The important thing was to allow the thoughts to flow without any judgment or hesitation. This paper was to bring awareness. After I was done, I would take a deep breath, relax my shoulders, unlock my jaw, and take another deep breath. The paper would get ripped up and thrown in the trash and I allowed myself to move forward. I brought attention and appreciation to myself for being willing to work through this knowing this was the right move to bring positive momentum in the right direction. 

Alright, now the reality, I know where this will go next. You set yourself up to bring awareness. You give this whole thing a whirl. You get out the dang piece of paper. The dang pen. You sit at the dang table. And you write out all of these thoughts until your hand is cramping from writing. You take the dang deep breath. You rip up the dang paper. Then…you still want chocolate!?!?! 

So here is it…the secret code when it comes to emotional eating:

“You can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You have to go through it.”

Yes awareness is KEY, but how do you handle what you may see as a lack of willpower? 

Take another deep breath. Relax your shoulders because I know they are likely raised again. Unclench your jaw. Now…eat.the.chocolate. (Or whatever your go-to food may be)

GASP! The health coach is telling me to eat the chocolate?!? 

YEP!!! Because I am human too and I did not support my emotional eating by restricting myself and going cold turkey. I hate the drill sergeant concept. I did not take the approach of talking enough shit on myself until I stopped wanting the chocolate. I went THROUGH it. 

Here’s what I did:

-I stopped buying the chocolate that had a lot of ingredients working against me more than working for me. (I’m thinking Hersey’s, Snickers, Recess, Milkyway, etc.). Instead, I gravitated towards the brand’s like Justin’s. Better but not the best. I did my own work looking for healthier chocolates. I worked my way towards good quality bars of super dark chocolate. It didn’t happen overnight but I found the chocolate that still allowed me to FEEL my best while still satisfying the craving. I did this and still began reaching my goals. I eat chocolate and still maintain my preferred body weight easier than ever before. I found chocolate that works for ME. 

Chocolate may not be your go-to but the same concept applies for the food you crave. Say you are drawn to potato chips. Check out brands that use ingredients that aren’t going to work against you (inflammatory oils for example). You can find ones with avocado oil instead. Or find some with a very short ingredient list with things you can easily identify. 

Another form of emotional eating I experienced was zero brakes around food. So in my home I stuck to foods that I found were healthier for me. I got foods that allowed me to FEEL my best. That came with being mindful of oils, finding what sugars I was comfortable with, eliminating ingredients that I couldn’t easily identify. So at least when I was working THROUGH the need to just be eating, I was eating foods that were healthier for me. 

Food options are going to look different for everyone based on what allows them to FEEL their best. The point I am trying to get to with working THROUGH the emotional eating:

-Yes, you’re still eating but you’re not resisting the craving. When you resist it, it can’t resolve. When you resist it, you’re adding yet another stressor to your body instead of working through what brought up the need to eat emotionally in the first place. A happy medium here is simply choosing foods that work FOR you. This is going to be what keeps everything flowing with ease as you get to the root cause of the emotional eating. 

-Keep reflecting on what brings up the triggers to eat emotionally. Reflect when needed. Make small tweaks and slight pivots that support what is coming up in your reflections. Take baby steps towards correcting what’s going on in your life that is bringing up the funky emotions that make you want to disassociate with food. (Check out other blog posts for ideas for supporting yourself.)

For me, as I worked through the emotional eating, I started to recognize that my cravings weren’t as bad. I found the outlets needed to support myself in a more productive way. I felt less out of control which allowed me to not be out of control with food. Now when I find myself wanting chocolate, ice cream, or having zero brakes around food, the process of slowing down, breathing, and asking myself what I really need is much quicker. 

This will not be the last time I discuss emotional eating because it was a massive hurdle for me to clear. However, I hope this can be a starting point in supporting you. Calmly take it step by step with grace because it is not hopeless for you. If you face emotional eating and desire a change, I promise you awareness, grace and kindness will get you further than any other approach. This can be done with ease and I am here to walk with you through this.