Detaching From A Reaction
My biggest stride in creating healthier relationships was when I started detaching myself from someone else’s reaction. Maybe you’re like me, when someone reacted poorly to something I did or said, I took full responsibility. I would internalize it and think of all of the things I should have done differently or what I need to change. Which became a problem for me. I became a massive people pleaser and started living my life around how other people may react instead of respecting myself.
One of the best things I learned…more times than not, someone else’s reaction to me had nothing to do with me (enter mind blown emoji). This sounds inconsiderate but true. It is something I had to release myself from. I actually discovered it due to my own personal experience. My poor reaction to someone else is rarely about what the other person did. There are days that someone could behave in a specific way and I wouldn’t bat an eye. Yet, when they catch me on a bad day, it’s a whole different story.
We’ve all been there, we are running off little sleep, we have more on our to-do list than we want to accept, the dishes are piling in the sink, the noise of the house is getting overwhelming, we are thinking of a million different things, then our best friend texts us to cancel plans for the second week in a row. We respond in a short manner where it’s clear we’re irritated. We now have to pivot our plans away from what should have been a break for us that night. We have to face the reality of taking on another night of the everlasting dinner and bedtime routine. Our energy was already on edge and this slight pivot pushes us over the edge. We are in a shitty mood the remainder of the day and likely don’t start the next day on a positive note.
Or...we are on a stride of consistently consciously moving our body, we’ve been hydrating and eating foods that allow us to FEEL our best. We kept up with an easy house tasks list and our house is easier to manage. We are conscious about our screen time and have been respecting our need for sleep. Our friend cancels plans for the second time and we respond with a loving text and ask how we can support them because clearly they’re not having the easiest time.
Which one FEELS better to you? I personally would prefer showing up for myself so I can show up for the people I love in a more positive way. And I will tell you, when I show up for myself and someone responds poorly to me, I can better see where they are reacting to what I did or said based on other things going on.
Not only can we allow ourselves to come from a place of understanding when someone reacts poorly, we can also detach from it easier and not take it on. I absolutely hated when it felt like someone was mad at me or upset with me. It completely derailed my day. Yet, what I said or did likely came from a place of needing to respect my own needs, yet they reacted poorly.
This may be one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. Yet time and time again, I am shown that if I do not respect my own needs above all else, nothing goes well for me. It is my responsibility to show up in the way I desire and I can’t do that by living on someone else’s agenda.
In case you’re like me, I would like to gift you this thought to ponder. Can you bring this same awareness to your life and your relationships? If you learned that your needs have the largest value, would you be able to detach from someone else's reaction in a better way? Would you begin to value your own needs so you can show up for your people and react in a better way? I would love to know your thoughts.
