Mamas are Evolving (not Losing Themselves)

We all see the narrative in some form or another where women lose themselves in mamahood. And it definitely has some truth around it. There is no denying that becoming a mama completely rocks your world in many different ways. 

I will never downplay the reality of how challenging the transition into mamahood is for so many of us. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. However, when I got stuck in this belief was when I was consuming a lot of chatter from external environments that women lose themselves in mamahood. This was the narrative with no way out, that was just the reality. 

We all see the importance of a positive mindset. And times when I’m mad, upset, frustrated, I don’t want anyone to tell me to just think positively, that never seems like a realistic solution. So instead I am choosing to give you my thought process in digging deep to recognize the reality of me rocking it even on days where I feel like I am failing. (Because I have the feeling that you may need to get the ball rolling for the same thing). Things may be similar to your journey or it may spark a thought process for you to shine light on what you’re doing well. 

I recognized my true transformation on calm days. On the days that things are flowing a little better in our house, are the days I can truly see how much has changed. I had to see where I am learning, growing, and evolving. Being a mama has made me so much stronger than I realize. I am here to tell you, if you take a second to look, you are stronger too. 

If I look at myself 10 years ago, when I was 22, I was (to say it lightly) a hot mess express. I had zero ducks in a row. I handled everything in an unhealthy manner. I was trapped in disordered eating. I found myself in one unhealthy relationship after another. I partied. I binge watched shows. I did nothing whatsoever to fill up my own cup. Sure, I ran and I tried to diet, but that was merely for the purpose of trying to look a certain way. My mindset was toxic, my patterns were harmful. I was lost then. Things may have appeared as “care-free” with no responsibilities but I was a dumpster fire on the inside. 

Here are some things that mamahood is teaching me that is massive in my own evolution:

Time management:

There are so many moving parts in our world. I giggle at my old self when I used to think I didn’t have enough time for anything. Then when you see what you can accomplish during the sweet mid-day nap time, you see how much time you used to truly waste. Even if you’re kiddos don’t nap, or nap long, or at the same time, you see what you can knock out if there are five minutes of everyone being content. 

I am constantly thinking of how we can make all of the things work with all of the people and all of the different needs. I have had to evaluate what wasn’t working for us and take charge in making things flow a little better for us. I am getting honest about our needs and recognized that slower days at home is what works with me being at home with them full time and homeschooling. 

Everyone’s schedule is different, needs are different, and every mama is doing their best to keep everything flowing in a way that works for their family. How about the mamas who work away from home. They get everyone out the door, they rock their responsibilities, AND they still manage everything at home. Yet based on conversations I have had with mamas who have that schedule, they still question how well they’re doing. It is my goal to shine light on the chaos they are making happen while still trying to maintain the happiness in their home. And they do not give themselves nearly enough credit. 

We constantly question how we’ll make everything work. Yet here we are, doing.it. 

Problem solving:

Ever had a toddler? Or two? The nonstop problem solving, learning, and mediating. I have managed employees before and this is a whole new level. Things that once have worked no longer do and we are left to recreate the wheel yet again. 

Chaos (the problem) presents itself. We are the ones who have to figure out a solution then lead the team in implementing it. We are left to assure our house is set up and organized in a way that works for our needs, our schedules, our interactions. We are left to set the boundaries and expectations, and majority of the time, those boundaries and expectations have to be repeated and said in a million different variations. I truly believe anyone who isn’t a mama would be scared to get in the mind of a mama. 

Our brains are on overdrive. Yet here we are, doing.it. 

Fueling our bodies properly:

This one is one I have a love/hate relationship. Planning the menu, getting the food, preparing the food, making sure everyone eats the food. Delegating cooking tasks to those who are able to help. Including the ones who want to help. 

On top of valuing making sure we’re all getting the proper nutrition. Being a health coach and going through my own journey, I want to make sure we’re all eating foods that allow us to FEEL our best. Plus, being the one to communicate that and manage it with outside parties. It feels like a lot, I have had multiple conversations with other mamas who feel the same way. 

Then we add the importance of fueling our own bodies. Having these wonderful things called hormones that need the proper formula in order to function properly. Dealing with the consequence of only finishing everyone’s lunches instead of making ourselves an actual meal. Then trying to remember to do differently in the future. 

The mental load around food alone is REAL. Yet here we are, doing.it. 

Regulating my emotions (woof):

Catch me on the right day and this topic can make me cry. The running joke is “how do you teach tiny humans to regulate their emotions when we don’t even know how to do it ourselves.” One day you’re alone in this world, working through your own emotions, some harder than others, but you do it. You’re not even really having to work at it. Emotions come and go but your mind is on other things. You rarely even identify emotions. 

Then the next thing you know it, you are the captain of the ship managing the sea of emotions filled with these ticking time bombs that need you to identify and de-escalate an emotion before it's too late. 

Regulating my own nervous system and educating myself on how to support my littles has been massive. Yet the mental and emotional load is also massive. I wanted to face these emotions head on instead of numbing myself from it. So many days I cry after they go to sleep. I am trying to find all of the books surrounding this. I am learning and expanding personally and supporting them in it. 

This topic is something I constantly see on my social media feeds and it comes up in conversations with other mamas. We are waking up to this need for ourselves and our littles. 

We are adding yet another thing on our plates. Yet, here we are doing.it. 

Doing stuff for ME:

With the support of my husband and dear friends, I am working on this. I recently read something that coined the phrase “soul care” instead of self care and I’m completely here for it. My soul was craving something outside of being a mama and meeting the needs of others. With postpartum hormones and the mama mental load conspiring together, I was slipping, and quickly. 

I will tell you, right now I am away from my littles to take time to write and have a minute to breathe without a tiny body on top of me. I am in a coffee shop surrounded by other adults. I am drinking a warm cup of espresso. I am able to actually have a train of thought. Yet, I have feelings of guilt trying to creep in. 

It is taking time to value my need to have time for ME and accept my worth in deserving that. But the more I get out and do it, I am evolving. Some mamas are better than others. The ones who are there cheering on the mamas who don’t get out and are all but pulling them out of the house, are the true diamonds in the rough. 

We are trying to balance all of the plates while remembering ourselves. Yet here we are doing.it. 

Respecting my own health and happiness:

I value people’s health and happiness, I created an entire company around it. And I will admit, it is something I have to consciously do for myself (and I will go ahead and guess it’s something you need to be more conscious about too). I can cheer on other people easily and voice the importance in them needing to do it. But I am guilty of putting the needs of others before my own. We’re mamas, it happens. Let’s work on it together, shall we?

When I began slipping, I had to wake up to the fact that I wasn’t in a habit of showing up for myself. We get into the chaos and rush of life and are just going through the motions. I will never take on the narrative that I have it all figured out. I am here on this journey with you. And if you’re a mama and feeling depleted, let me say it loudly for you (and myself), YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS MATTERS. 

To be honest, my reality is that I cannot show up for my family if I am not showing up for myself (same goes for you). I am committing myself to making that more of a priority. 

Here is a short list of what I have been doing to start simple in catching momentum:

-Establishing a bedtime routine: I pick up the house (don’t start your day with yesterday’s mess). I dry brush my body and gua sha stone my face. I drink a tart cherry mocktail. Every night looks a little different but those are my nonnegotiables. 

-I try to wake up before everyone else. On mornings that I can, I strive to get up before everyone else to drink a cup of coffee and enjoy the last few moments of quiet before the day starts.

-Taking workout classes. I knew I needed to add more movement into my days but I am completely lost when I walk into the gym. I needed to join classes in order to intentionally push myself a little bit. I am quickly becoming more drawn to getting my butt kicked in a class. I take some classes at my gym but I am also loving ClassPass.  It allows me to take classes with friends, change up my environment, and push myself out of my comfort level. 

We are all in the trenches of the great balancing act. Yet here we are doing.it.

[If you are needing some motivation, grab a friend and try out ClassPass! This link can get you a 14 Day FREE trial plus 20 extra credits (typical trial is 7 days and less credits). Max out your trial by trying out as much as possible to find your jam. Grab the deal here] 

I will be honest, this extremely long pep talk that I hope you found useful, was one I needed to be giving myself as well. 

Mama, you are evolving. You are learning, growing, expanding while experiencing the hardest yet most beautiful journey of our lives. These littles are our everything and they deserve a mama who values herself just as much as them. 

Next time you feel lost. You feel like you’re running in circles. You don’t feel like you’re doing anything right. Give yourself a pep talk. Come back and read this or write out all of the things you’re ROCKING. Dig deep. Discover how well you’re managing the chaos. Flip the narrative of things and see how well you’re truly doing. The things that feel uncomfortable are the things you’re working so hard at doing right. 

I am here virtually cheering you on. Never lose sight of you showing up and doing.it.