Embracing Mamahood
I have been on my mamahood journey now for 5 ½ years. (If you’re a parent, you know that ½ is very important for our little people who have a passion to be bigger). One thing that took me so long to grasp: embracing mamahood.
Yes I wanted to be a mama more than anything in this world. I spent my whole life dreaming about being a mama. I was that preschool girl that had “a mom” proudly written under “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Yet, I never would have imagined the struggles I would have transitioning into what I had labeled as my “dream life”.
My first two babes were born into the speed of our lives. Our son came almost 11 months after I was told that having babies may be hard for me. I wasn’t prepared to enter the world of mamahood but it was 10000% the gift I needed, especially at that time. As a new mama I was flying by the seat of my pants. I had changed careers into the health and wellness space months before becoming pregnant and was still figuring out how to make a living with it. All while my husband was deep in the trenches trying to finish chiropractic school. He and I were ships passing in the night, and I felt stuck in survival mode. I kept my head down going through the daily motions. I was doing what I felt was expected of me. I was in a hard habit of telling myself I “just had to get through this stage and then things will be easier.”
Only a few days after our son’s first birthday we discovered our daughter would be joining the party. Automatically, the repeat button was pushed. I continued telling myself that I just had to get through this stage. This put me in a state of just getting through instead of soaking it in and embracing it.
Of course I was still able to soak it in. I loved getting to be with my littles. My heart swelled when we got to do all of the fun things that came with their age and I tried doing what I could to make happy memories for them.
Now for the kicker, behind all of that, I was struggling. I was frozen in survival mode and merely going through the motions. I couldn’t be in one place without stressing about what I should be doing or where I should be instead. I was balancing work and mamahood which put my head in multiple places at once. There is no denying the mental load of being a mama is easily one of the most challenging things. For me, I was making things harder by working against the current. I was going head first into “all of the things” I felt I needed to be doing instead of riding the waves with ease.
I found that riding the waves meant considering the phrase, "you can’t eat an elephant in one bite.” The to-do list is not going anywhere. All of the things are still right there. The problem is, when you look at them all at once, how often does the overwhelm, stress, and anxiety quickly follow?
I had to work to consciously become more present. I had to make slight tweaks and small pivots towards giving myself the space to enjoy mamahood when I was with my littles. And it’s still something I am working on, it’s just finally making more sense.
Things I am trying to embrace mamahood and show up for my littles more consciously:
Putting my phone on focus mode. When I want to be zoned in at home, I put my phone on focus mode and I’m working on rarely picking it up. The habit is very challenging to break but it’s getting easier.
A cleaning and laundry schedule. I created this for myself a while back and I am working on implementing it again. I try to give myself one cleaning task and one laundry task a day. This way, I am not consumed by household chores. I know exactly what needs to be done. I can tell my littles what task I am completing and how long it will take me. Then, we work together to keep the house picked up (Easier said than done, consistency helps). We all FEEL better and moods are better when our home isn’t a complete mess. By spending time decluttering and organizing, it’s starting to get easier to keep the house more orderly. Now I don’t have to be consumed by everything that needs to get done around the house. I complete my daily tasks and move on.
Re-learning how to play. My husband is great at this. He can sit and play and be creative with the kids. This is something I am re-learning. I am trying to be phone free and distraction free. Playing games, doing activities, baking, being outside, seeing where their interests are. Giving ourselves the gift of being present and being a kid again with our littles is something we should do more often. This time is actually massive for building connection and eliminating chaos in the home. I found that if I even do this during a few shorter blocks during the day, our time runs much smoother. They will transition into independent play much easier and our home will have a sense of calm.
Embracing the season of life. I used to try to fit mamahood into my life. I tried living the same way. I tried filling my plate with more than it needed. What I learned, it’s ok to go slower during this season of life. I don’t need a large social calendar. My husband and I can get creative with our time together. We don’t have to have a packed schedule. I am working on simplifying my life and it’s opened up so much more space. Space to allow a contact nap on Sunday where I can write while I snuggle my tiniest. Being ok with our world slowing down when one or all of our littles are under the weather. Recognizing when one of them needs a little more attention because their body is feeling wonky and they are having a hard time regulating their emotions.
Setting boundaries. This is key. The things that are important to you may need some boundaries for the sake of your sanity. For instance, work. Set the hard boundary of your working times so you can focus on home when you’re there. As for your social life (solo or with the kids), be ok with saying no or having to cancel social plans if it becomes too much. I have such an amazing community here that none of us have hard feelings when we’re honest with each other when we need to cancel or reschedule something together. It comes with a common respect.
When I say space, I mean the space to see what’s important. What matters the most. Adult stressors are distractions. Embracing mamahood means I can be present and conscious enough for my littles when needed. This comes with knowing how to show up consciously for yourself. I am giving myself the space to slow down and be a part of their childhood. There is still plenty of time to focus on the other things of life, it just needs to be done in a different way during this current season of life.
Mama, give yourself permission to determine the slight tweaks and small pivots your life needs to embrace mamahood if that is what your heart desires. Read through what I have been trying again. Let it spark your own ideas or see what relates with your needs. And please know, I am still trying all of these things. You are not alone in this journey. Together, we can virtually link arms and navigate this journey of mamahood.
